Gliding through the powder of taking a fall,
one must experience the ups and downs.
When limbs impact the snow, bounce back, stand tall.
You'll find yourself sailing right through the mounds.
The ride down may seem a vertical drop.
It's scary at takeoff, you'll feel the rush.
Never collapse and don't psyche yourself out.
Before you know it, it will all be slush.
A subtle turn can lead to a new place
with unmarked obstacles hard to measure.
These impediments take you on a chase,
but dont slow down, or you'll miss the treasure.
Sure, snowboarding brings me joy and pleasure,
but it illustrates life's great adventure.
9 comments:
Aimee-
I really liked your sonnet. I enjoyed how you were able to connect life to snowboarding. There were two minor details that would help your poem. First, in the 3rd line, it would help if you could separate "snow" and "bounce," because it sounds like a series - maybe a dash would help. Second, there is a really minor thing in the 12th line - don't was spelled like dont. Good job!!
-Kathrin
Aimee
Very cool sonnet. I also liked how you were able to talk about snowboarding and make the connection to your life. The only thing I thought you might want to change is that "drop" and "out" don't rhyme. Otherwise, great job!
You illustrated the message of the poem very well by using many different good and coherent metaphors, like the ups and downs of life, being strong, and seeking adventure. I especially like the "carpe dium" voice that runs through the poem. One unclear part was the second to the last line. The "Sure,...but..." in couplet makes it sound like if snowboarding is fun, then it's expected to not illustrate life. Also, is slushy snow a good thing to be rewarded with? Overall, it's an excellent poem.
nice ending. liked how it builds up to snowboarding. thought your sonnet was like war or a dream or sumthing before i read the end. nice sonnet.
your sonnet was very strong in how it showed the feeling of snowboarding. the mounds part doesnt seem to rhym with it's corresponding line. other than that, you had a good sonnet
nice sonnet aimee. i like how u compared snow boarding and life. They are pretty similar! ha
Good job aimee! you're sonnet is really well written and I like the metaphoric connection between life and snowboarding. -katherine
Aimee-
I really liked how you sonnet was also a metaphor for life and jumping into new adventures. Just watch out for the rythym of your poem the extra flow would just make the theme of live your life come alive.
Great job!
this snowboarding sonnet was very descriptive and seems just like the real thing. you brought the reader "on the mountain" with you in your peom. nice job
Post a Comment